SCIENTIST DISCOVERS NEW ELEMENT – ADMINISTRATIUM The
heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by University
physicists. The element, tentatively named Administratium
(AD), has no protons or electrons, which means that its atomic number
is 0. However, it does have 1 neutron, 125 assistants to the neutron, 75
vice-neutrons and 111 assistants to the vice-neutrons. This gives it an
atomic mass number of 312. The 312 particles are held together in the nucleus
by a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles
called memos. Since it has no electrons Administratium is inert. However, it can be
detected chemically because it seems to impede every reaction in which it is
present. According to one of the discoverers of the element, a very small
amount of Administratium made one
reaction that normally takes less than a second take over 4 days. Administratium has
a half-life of approximately 3 years, at which time it does not actually
decay. Instead, it undergoes a reorganization in
which assistants to the neutron, vice-neutrons, and assistants to the
vice-neutrons exchange place. Some studies have indicated that the atomic
mass number actually increases after each reorganization. Administratium was
discovered by accident when a researcher angrily resigned from the
chairmanship of the physics department and dumped all of his papers in the
intake hatch of the University’s particle accelerator. “Apparently, the interaction
of all of those reports, grant forms, etc. with the particles in the
accelerator created the new element” |
Research at other laboratories seems to indicate that Administratium might
occur naturally in the atmosphere. According to one scientist, Administratium is most likely to be found
on college and university campuses and in large corporation and government
centers, near the best appointed and best maintained buildings. COLD FUSION
OF ADMINISTRATIUM REPORTED. Prompted by the research
discovery of Administratium, furious
activity in laboratories all over the world resulted quickly in the discovery
of fusion of Administratium at
room temperature. First to announce their results were scientists at the Their success was achieved by
placing concentrated Administratium
in a solution of kosher dill pickle juice. The memo insertion accelerator was
a new high speed FAX of the automatic triplicate generator type. Other scientists have not been
able to reproduce the results. They criticized the discoverers for sloppy
experimental methods. The Defense department Advanced Research (DARPA) has
refused all comment. The reason is obvious. Use of their discovery could
completely paralyze the target bureaucracy and cause their demise, including DARPA ! |